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  • Writer's pictureHelen Sworn

Life After Sabbatical (1)



This is where the rubber hits the road right?!


After an amazing (but maybe too short!) sabbatical, it was time to get back to work and see how much of this life changing experience would carry over into my everyday life.


It was the Sunday, before my back to work Monday, and I was more than nervous about starting work. I thought I would spend a few hours preparing for my first day back. It was like a first day of a new school – I wondered if I could get back into it, whether my brain would be able to work and focus again (well as much as it ever could!), how I would get back into early mornings (although I had been practicing the week before!) and whether I was even still needed as it seemed as though everything was still working fine in my absence!




So, I did the thing I was dreading the most – I opened my inbox! Sharon had been amazing while I was away, filing the most important ones for me to look at first- a couple of hundred I guess, rather than a couple of thousand, so that was a good start! I began working through them and after a few hours, I had worked through the priority ones and was feeling accomplished – it is always a good feeling to look at the number of emails in the sent box right?! – and somehow even after all these years, I still choose to forget for a moment, that what goes out, inevitably comes back in!


Monday morning came, I couldn’t stomach any breakfast, too nervous for that. It was a strange feeling like being the new kids on the block – a huge loss of confidence after just six weeks away – wondering if I could do this again. I also wondered whether I could trust myself to work my new path – following the new habits and thinking that had impacted my life during my sabbatical and what I was committing myself to going forward.


My first couple of days were good – it was that proverbial honeymoon period! Not too many demands and emails – largely catch up meetings with key team members to see how things had gone – which was mostly very positive. Everyone seemed to be giving me space to get back into things.


I was even following the new path – armed with my ‘word for the day’ stuck to my laptop plus about 50 other sticky notes on my whiteboard reminding me of all the new ways of thinking and new habits – encouraging me to stay authentic, grounded, rethinking busyness, cultivating self-care, having courage and braving the ‘no’ and ‘help’ words, doing my ten minute yoga in the morning, lunchtime dog walk and pausing – remembering to Selah during the day.





Then Wednesday came! (yes, the honeymoon was a short two days!).


The emails started coming in thick and fast, the organisation demands came in in a similar fashion and before I knew it, I was falling into old habits and barely remembering the new ones.


These old habits are not pretty! They usually start with me beginning to get that overwhelmed feeling and instead of slowing down, I start jumping into a frenetic multi-tasking mode – in and out of emails, documents for reviewing, meetings, messages, and my growing to do list – and of course when this is seemingly not enough, I top it off with a dive into Facebook!


Before I knew it, my heart was racing again and my mind was spinning. I knew this feeling oh too well. But what I did next surprised me!


I suddenly sensed I was stepped out of myself and observing what I was doing and thought, NO WAY – I am not getting sucked back into this way of working. I banged my hands on the table and shouted STOP to myself!! (I am so happy that I work alone in my home office – and that the dog is completely deaf!). I pushed my chair away from my desk and stood up.


I said to myself that I would not go back to my desk until I had calmed down, my heart rate had slowed and when I was determined to bring myself back to this new path and these new habits.


I went into the kitchen, had a cup of (decaf) tea! Walked slowly around my apartment, taking in the views and praying calm back into my life. I sat down on the sofa and took some deep breaths, battling my inner conflict between getting back to doing the work, and my new resolve to getting into the new path of working. It took some time – maybe an hour or so and I started feeling my heart rate slow and my mind clear. I headed back into my office – did a ten-minute yoga session, took some more deep breaths and sat back at my desk.


Looking up at my post it notes, I started focusing on one task at a time, still wanting to jump into others, breathing deeply again – taking Selah moments at multiple times and trying this new path.


Frankly it was exhausting! And some days holding this new path and new habits still is. The old dysfunctional multi-tasking way is unhealthy and unproductive in so many ways, but I know it so well and moving out of it is uncomfortable, awkward and tiring – but it is the better way to live and so I will continue to put one foot in front of the other, even if it means stumbling in the process.


More stories of stumbling and stepping to follow!




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