For those of you who know me, the words ‘sabbatical’, ‘time out’ and ‘rest’ have not been frequent companions in my vocabulary!
So here I am coming clean and exercising my own duty of care to other leaders, especially those working in the modern slavery and anti-trafficking movement.
It is time for me to pull on my big girl Brene Brown* pants and embrace my own vulnerability around what has been one of the most extraordinary and deep personal journeys I have embarked on.
In September this year, amid a year like no other, I had the privilege of taking a 40-day sabbatical.
It had been something I had been planning and hoping for since late 2019 and something I had known I had needed for many years before that.
Like many other Executive Directors, Founders and heads of organisations, especially within the anti-trafficking sector, we know the importance of staff care. Most of us have been discussing the need to take care of our staff for many years; we have developed policies and frameworks; we have included staff care, debriefing and retreats into our project budgets and as a result, are seeing less burnout of frontline staff than we did a decade ago. Of course, there is always room for improvement, but it is much better than it was.
But very few leaders have planned or budgeted for it for ourselves. This has been the proverbial “do as I say, not as I do”. We know the importance of it but haven’t listened to our own advice! I also know that if the leader of the organisation is stressed out, exhausted and close to burn out, it seeps into our organisations, creating an environment that works against the very frameworks we have developed to protect it.
And I have done the same – ignored my own mantra of ‘responsibility equals knowledge’ and ploughed on thinking that I can continue to lead an organisation without taking time to step back from the busyness to see the important.
So how did this all change after knowing that I have needed this for years?
Firstly, there was never going to be a ‘perfect’ time to take time out. And I realised that although I had seen the need for this over all this time, I had never actually spoken to my board or others on our leadership team about it! It was as though it was my own best kept secret! I knew as soon as I spoke of it, I would have to explain all those reasons why I need this, those things that I have kept shoved down deep so that I could continue to do my job without interruption or disruption from the depths of my soul.
I knew them ok – but I needed to bring them to the surface and give them a voice. So I started a list.. not exhaustive by any means but explained some of my exhaustion!
I needed to decompress and recover from 20 years of (exhausting and overwhelming) anti-trafficking work - to give my body a rest and my mind a break - to emerge more balanced, peaceful, authentic, joyful, hopeful and spiritual
To stop and reflect on my personal and professional vision and to re-vision
To challenge my historic and current way of working and get a fresh perspective to look for a better, balanced, more healthy and sustainable way
For me to be more than Chab Dai and Chab Dai to be more than me. Chab Dai and I needed to be challenged and grow – away from one another!
To not live on adrenaline (and caffeine!)
To spend intentional and dedicated time seeking God – listening and learning – past, present and future
To listen to my body and develop new healthy habits
To have time to think and dream
To learn new things about myself and better understand:
My main stress points and triggers?
What makes me joyful?
What is my vision for the future?
How can I create a better work life flow?
What do I need to let go of?
What are my priorities?
What are my strengths?
My distraction and multi-tasking tendencies
How to be truly present with myself and others
To not be in control (for a change!) and to relinquish myself to the process and not the outcomes
And the list could continue – but it was a start. It was what I needed to face the reality of what I had told myself I had no time to face.
And so began the journey….
*Brene Brown is a researcher, professor, author and speaker and believe that ‘you have to walk through vulnerability to get to courage’ among many other phenomenal words of wisdom.